Dillard Emulation

I wake to the sound of the television whispering underneath the hum of the air conditioner. Before my eyes open I can feel the weight of something small curled up at my waist, secured comfortably like a trey of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. Lightly I can feel the small, warm ball slowly fill with air and release in perfect rhythm with my heart beat. It is my dog. Our breaths are one machine, one exhale signaling the inhale from the other. As my eyes open I'm already greeted by a flash of sunlight that made it through the shudders of my eye lashes, piercing my pupils like diamond earrings through the soft flesh of an infant. I am not fully ready to wake but my eyes have already seen freedom. There is indeed light at the end of the tunnel. My dreams have become harder to get back to and with each passing second the life that took me (hours? Years?) to create is destroyed and gone forever.

Eggers Emulation

Preface: If you are reading this then you are probably as pretentious as I am and therefore should continue reading the rest of this fore you would only be denying yourself by choosing otherwise. We have written this together; now, back to me. I decided to write this blog in an effort to emulate the great Eggers, king of the pen, god of ink and all things verbalized. My emulation is merely a rough sketch of the shoes Eggers wears--I don't believe we are worthy of a glimpse of the ankle--when he takes the garbage out.

1. He is great.
2. He is terrible.
3. "1" and "2" completely contradict one another
4. Contradiction is genius
5. Eggers contradicts himself a lot
6. Eggers is a genius

(7,8,9,10,11,12 are irrelevant.)

G - Great
E - Eggers
N - Never not good
I - Incredible
U - um...
S - Whatever.

He represents whoever you rooted for in this scene...As long as he won. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypFIX0xWPQw